How'd She Get That Mickey?
Curtis Kekoa III
Sunday, September 26, 2004

The media in Denver is still unable to figure out how a CSU sophomore got alcohol. What's even
more puzzling is how Samantha Spady ended up with all of it in her body, enough to kill her. When
the story broke, all one could hear was how neat a person she was, how splendid an individual she
was, and of course, how shocking it was that a person like her was dead, period. Before the
suggestion of alcohol entered into the mystery of how Samantha died, I turned to my wife and
asked, "I wonder how much beer this chick had?" After that, it took the media two days to even
speculate that alcohol poisoning killed this girl.

Now the parents, I suppose, of Samantha Spady have created a
website in memory of their
daughter. The site's purpose is to "find an effective peer-to-peer alcohol awareness program that
can become a part of new student orientations at colleges and universities in the United States."

Huh?  Or should I say "Duh?"

When didn't they - or any American - know that college was about drinking - and sex, drugs,
cheating, stealing, etcetera,which by the way are most the reasons why I wanted to go to college?
Is the rampant abuse of alcohol an epiphany for Samantha's parents - and the media?  And why
would any red-blooded American of the teenage sort need "alcohol orientation and awareness"
with a twist of sensitivity training upon entering yet another school system?   Don't kids get
plenty of alcohol orientation in highschool?

Please, don't misunderstand. I'm not an insensitive guy; this whole thing is a tragedy. But the
death of Samantha was just part of the tragedy. And, of course, the tragedy lives on after her death
just as it lived before her death.

Since Samantha died, the media has strapped itself to the alcohol aspect of the state's major
colleges as if it were the tobacco companies pushing the Coors and the Budweiser on these
innocent, young college students who are just trying to better themselves. Today's Sunday paper,
9/26, the front page of the local crap-rag called The Denver Post sports a
picture of a few of CSU
Boulder's finest clanking a few beer bottles in their frat house. The caption reads: "The young
men's social events often involve alcohol. 'This is why I love college,' [one of the young men]
says.
" Social event?  Would you believe that  pictures (and articles) like this one have blazoned
the front pages of this rag almost, if not everyday for the past few weeks. T.V. "news"
entertainment hasn't missed a beat either. Don't think I forgot about you T.V. losers.

A few more students have died, too, since Samantha died, and the media have been a little quicker
to assume some sort of alcohol involvement in those deaths. Of course, assuming the cause of
death by alcohol really means that it was the alcohol's fault, not the choices of the dead who
imbibed to the point of no return. Would you believe that all of'em died in a frat house? Too
strange, I say, too strange. The press hasn't picked up on the frat house thing yet, but don't worry,
it will when the alcohol thing becomes as boring as the Scott Peterson/Michael Jackson circuses.
Obviously, the alcoholed-out died because of other people's mistakes, because of the alcohol. The
dead are victims of other careless individuals who, I guess, are just trying to catch a break, too.
Dang tobacco companies. Somebody should stop them from opening up their liquor stores. It's
probably the fault of the colleges.  The dead - it wasn't their fault, at least according to the
media's slant, and of course, according to friends and family.

Let's get real. The media could care less about college kids drinking, and it behaves as though
alcohol just recently made its way onto campuses all across America, as though alcohol in
college is some astonishingly unprecedented phenomenon. Really, it's just an ephemeral story
until the next hurricane hits Florida, and of course (as always) it's all about ratings. If they want a
real story, the media should go to the local highschool, middle school, whatever, and do a story
about drinking there. That was where I received my peer-to-peer orientation about alcohol in
addition to other peer-to-peer orientations involving sex and drugs.  But the media won't touch the
godless and broken public schools; many men and women in the press (and elsewhere) have
sacrificed their children for careers by placing their kids in the "care" of public
schools/baby-sitters.  But this is for another post.  For now, death apparently sells airtime, airtime
for the colleges who push beer and Bacardi mixer adverts on unassuming college kids.

Since it's about ratings and not about the truth, I suppose you'll have to actually think through this
yourselves, if you even care. If you went to public school, don't even try to think about this; the
mindless crap the government schools push about drugs and alcohol will just cloud your ability to
reason rightly among other things. In fact, don't attempt to reason anything if you went to public
school - just repent, it's the only thing you can do.

For the rest of us, here's the bottom line: Don't accept the bull about adults who freely chose to
drink and fully understood the consequences of these actions years before. In my opinion, if they
were truly as "nice" as those around them claimed, they wouldn't have excessively drank,
especially in frat houses. What did their friends and family really think was going to happen at
these mental institutions called colleges? Anyone who's surprised at this should get their heads
checked for missing common sense. The parents of these students (all parents actually) should
have never let their children attend these places so deleterious to them.  At the very least, the
parents should have never blessed their children's desire to go to these colleges. But most
parents are too weak and lazy to train their children to do right, and in some cases, the parents
insist on their children attending colleges known for their immoralities.  

Stupid parents beget stupid kids.  Don't be stupid.

Brace yourselves, friends, as we embark on another week of incessant mania over college and
drinking, as if the two were absolutely dichotomous. Just remember that everyone is nice and
smart and friendly and really neat, especially when they die at the hands of their own ignorance.
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"DUHMAG.COM" 2004